Going for the Bronze

Recently, I walked into my local tanning salon for a little fake 'n bake. It's been a few months, but I still have some lotion. As I enter the salon, I notice the gentleman behind the counter has had some issues with his Bronzer. His arms are streaked. His face is orange as well as his facial hair. He was like a skinny, gay version of an Oompa Loompa. So, he takes my information and he asks me what I want to do. I'm like "5 minutes in a Super, please." Seems simple enough to me. I've done it many times before. He then asks me what kind of lotion I have and so I show him my lotion. I'm like, oh great, here comes the sales pitch for some lotion. Well, being the great salesmen he is and a great example himself, he tells me the Super bed is better utilized with a Bronzer lotion. At this point, I really want to say, "Have you looked at yourself in a mirror today? This is not the best time to be selling me on a BRONZER." I'm not looking into being a 5'9 female Oompa Loompa. So, I tell him I'm okay with the lotion I have and he proceeds to suggest another bed which will work better with my lotion. Okay. Fine. I don't care. Just put me in a bed and put the Bronzer down, dude. Fail.